Yesterday, October 4th, 2021 was the first day of a new beginning.
Over the past several months, I have done almost nothing creative as I have been doing a deep dive into myself. Finally digging into this menagerie of foggy confusion, bitter emotions, exiled parts, repression, and suppression. What I have come to find, after all this time, is that I am not who I thought I was. Indeed, a part of me came screaming to the surface, finally ready to be free, seen, and heard. After [REDACTED!] years, I am ready to put away this mask of sanity I wore for so long where I pretended to be male.
I know a lot of people journal their personal journeys in this regard, so I'm aware I'm just filling a trope and hopefully not coming into this so late that it sputters along as a cliché. I do so loathe clichés. I would really like to believe I'm better than all of that, but I suppose time will tell.
At any rate, here I am. One day into this New Beginning, one day after my first shot of estrogen. Almost two months into my treatment with finasteride and minoxidil to try, hopefully not in vain, to recover some of my hair. The journey has begun, the new life is ready to leap into focus, and this exiled part of me is ready to embrace who I was always supposed to be. I'm going to do my best to keep this going weekly and hopefully not weakly for my own records, but also if anyone wants to take a gander.
The "N" in my name will no longer be for Nick, but for Nixie, and my pronouns going forward, are to be female. And I couldn't be more excited for this, and hope my creativity finds itself renewed as well.